My Fellow American
by C V Ford
Summary: As a guest on a Lucky Channel segment, Patti-san reveals an absolutely SHOCKING secret about Minoru that even HE didn't know about. If you think the poor schnook gets more than enough flack from Akira as it is now ... well ... STAY TUNED!


My Fellow American

by

C V Ford

* * *

"Luckeeeeeeeee Channel! ... Hiya Luckeeeeeees! ... Glad you could drop by to see me. I'm Akira Kogami ... "

"And I'm Minoru Shiraishi!"

"And lucky you all are today. For the first time EVER, we have a special guest."

"And special she IS. A most interesting character on the Lucky Star program."

"And that would be?" Akira mockingly asked, knowing full well who.

"Why Akira-san," replied Minoru not so mockingly, "she's none other than Patricia Martin ... And here she is!"

"Hello everyone ... ," the blonde greeted as she walked into frame looking at the camera, "I'm very pleased to meet all of you."

"So tell us about her Minoru."

"As our viewers all know by now, Patti-san ... ," the erstwhile co-host hesitated. "I CAN call you Patty can't I?"

"Oh go right ahead."

"Thank you. As you all know-"

"Don't get too familiar with the guest Shiraishi," Kogami muttered.

"-Patti-san is an American exchange student living/studying here in Japan immersing herself in the many aspects of our culture."

"Anime/manga is ... culture?"

"Oh yes Akira-san!" Patty enthused. "I'm a totally DEVOTED student of anime/manga. These are art forms totally unique to Japan. Nothing anywhere near like them ANYWHERE else. I've learned so much of Japanese culture from them which has helped me in SO MANY ways."

"Is ... that ... so?"

"Yes Patti-san. Tell us how much it has enriched your life."

"Still getting too familiar Shiraishi!" The tiny one fumed.

"Well ... It has certainly helped build my language skills-"

"Which explains why you sound so slangy & weird at times," Akira critiqued inwardly.

"-thus helping me in new discoveries."

"So ... And what uh ... discoveries would THEY be?"

"Yes! Tell us about anything new you may have learned!"

"Still trying to chalk up brownies, aren't you?" Thought the host narrowing her eyes even more.

"Well, my most recent find concerns you Minoru."

"Too informal!" Kogami alarmed. "She's actually calling him by his GIVEN name!"

"Uh ... Me! ... I ..."

"Oh yes! ... ," more enthusiasm. "It's about something you mentioned in our pre-program interview a few days ago that got me to thinking, so I decided to check up on it the moment I got back to my apartment that evening."

"And uh ... what would that be?"

"Yeah ... Just what WOULD that be?" The oversleeved ones' vexation getting the better of her. "Shiraishi's about as fascinating as uncooked ramen."

"Remember when you told me that you were born in Los Angeles?"

"Huh? ... ." The low needle on Akiras' interest meter did a jump. "He never mentioned anything like THAT to me!"

"Uh ... Yeah. My parents were there a couple years for the company my dad works for ... Mom was going to be sent back here to have me but I was premature."

"Hmm ... explains a LOT." Kogami speculated to herself. "I thought it was because you were dropped on your head too many times as a baby."

"I went & looked up some things & ... Well ... You're an American!"

"I'm ... Wh-at!?" Shiraishis' eyes alternately widened & narrowed in puzzlement.

"Woah! ... ," the small one perked up. "Something just got interesting!"

"Yes. A fellow American!"

"Now wait Patti-san ... How can that be ... I-"

"According to Ammendment 14 of the United States Constitution, ANYONE born there & uh ... 'subject to the jurisdiction thereof' ... Is a U.S. citizen."

"Now Patti ... I would hardly think that would apply to me," the co-host nervously countered. "Considering I'm here & not there, I mean ...I'm not ... What did you say? ... Oh yeah! ... I'm not 'subject to the jurisdiction thereof.' That's how you put it, right?"

"But you were when you were born there ... I mean ... Your parents were there on business, right?"

"Mmm ... yeah."

"And they weren't diplomatic people or other Japanese government staff, right?"

"Uh ... No ... They weren't ... but ..."

"Hold on a sec Martin-san!" Akira interupted. "You mean to say ... You actually believe ... Shiraishi here is a ... a ..."

"An American Citizen? Yes!"

"A ... gaijin!? ..."

"Now hold on a minute Akira!"

"Ha! ... Snicker! ... Snort!"

"With all the rights & privileges that go with it!" Patty proclaimed. " ... Oh! ... And here ... I have this for you."

Patty handed the paper to Minoru.

"Ummm ... What is this? My English & Romanji are a bit rusty. I wouldn't know where to-"

"Look at the top."

"What the- ... Those are my parents names, I can make that out & ... That's my name! ... What the-!?"

"It's a copy of a certificate of live birth from the county of Los Angeles-"

"So that proves he's a ... Gasp! ... Chortle! ... Derp! ..."

"The next morning I phoned a friend in L. A.," the blonde went into explanation, "whose dad works there in city government. He got in touch with someone in public records who sent this back. She then faxed it to me."

"No! ... This can't be right ... I-"

"This certifies," Patty read, "that a one Minoru Shiraishi was born to a - & - Shiraishi at 1:05 AM, on -/-/- at Ceders Sinai Hospital, city of Los Angeles, Los Angeles County, California, U.S.A.."

"Then he really IS a ... Bwa ha! ... Gi! ... Hee hee! ... "

"This ... This isn't ...!"

"Just think! ... When you come to my ... OUR ... country ... All you have to do is show them this. Immigration would pass you right through. You wouldn't need to go through the citizenship process ... You wouldn't-"

"This ...! It can't be true ... it-"

"Oh man! I'm really lovin' this! Unbelievable! Bwa ha ha ha haaaa!"

"-You wouldn't even need a green card to get a job! You're already a-"

"Gaijin! Yee hee hee hee heeee!"

"But! ... But ... Sputter! ... Gheeeeh!"

"Oh God! ... Ha! Ha! Ha! Haa! Haaaaaa! Patti-san! ... This ... This is too much! ... Gehip! ... Harg! ... You ... You two're killin' me! H' hyuk!"

"But Akira-san ... It's true! Isn't it great Minoru?"

"No ... It's not!" The young man was in total despair.

"And ... Oh yes! ... A notarized/certified copy of this is on its' way to you ... Care of this station."

"Nooooooooooooo!"

"And that's ... Grp! ... Smirk! ... about it for this episode of-... snicker ... gasp! ... REMEMBER! ... Gasp! Wheeez! ... You heard it all here first on Luckeeeee Channel! ... Bye ni!"

Title board slips/drops into place.

"Bwa ha ha haa haaaaaaa!"

"Now come on Akira! ... Both of you! ... I ... I was registered here in the Home Islands!"

"That means you have dual citizenship. Wow! You have the best of both worlds! You ..."

"But ... Har! ... Har! ... Gack! ... He's the worst at ... Heep! ... EVERYTHING!"

"I am NOT, darn it! ... And ... And I'm ... I'm just as Japanese as you are!"

"Hey! ... Whatever you say ... Gaijin! ... Herg! ... Gasp! ... Bwa ha ha ha ha haa haaaaaaaa!"

"A ... ki ... raaaaah!"

Bzzzzzzzzzzt! Boop! Dark screen.

END

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Storyline (only) copyright © 7-4-13 C V Ford

Disclaimer: The preceding is a NON-PROFIT work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. I make no claim to ownership of the COPYRIGHTED names/characters, places, & events mentioned in this work. They are the sole properties of their respective owners. Please, by all means support the owners of such properties in the purchase & enjoyment of their works.


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